On (not) Graduating…

Well technically my results (or lack thereof) isn’t official for at least a week or so as TAFE is still technically open, the opening of the Graduate exhibition for all intents and purposes the end of the year for the students. Technically submissions can still happen but it’s unlikely you’ll pass at this stage as the lecturers close off submissions at the end of the week so they can get their grades in by next week. As you can probably tell from, well, everything, I’m not graduating.

I’m still processing the opening night. On the one hand, I made it, I got it in, I did the work, it’s being shown, pat on my back. On the other hand… I just don’t feel like celebrating. I feel like I’ve let myself down and I didn’t deserve to be there with a bunch of amazing photographers. I worked hard this year, I even worked ahead as much as possible and I was feeling burnt out because of it… but the last two months have torpedoed everything and I feel more adrift then ever before (I promise this won’t turn into a lot of sea related references).

All that being said I’m done with TAFE, not in a “throws hands up in the air with two middle fingers raised” but more of a “I’ve learned a lot and it’s time to move forward” manner. I admire and respect all the lecturers at TAFE, even if I’ve not necessarily agreed with some of them some of the time, and it is undeniable how much they’ve helped and encouraged me to be a better artist and photographer, but the idea of retreading a year just for a degree is going to be more damaging to me to then the alternative. I’m considering applying to Curtin and furthering my education but part of me just wants to escape for a while and be anywhere than here.

What’s amazing is that when I lamented I wasn’t graduating, a fellow student (and much more wise person than me) said that I actually was because I was moving forward with my life. I may not have the piece of paper with my name on it but that’s not going to prevent me from being a photographer.

Photo by Amanda Lancaster

I would love to crowd fund my book next year, I would love to create more interesting and/or thought provoking work, I would love to do more exploration and experimentation of my craft, and I would love it if you were there.

S